it's been bugging me the past few days.that i'll be missing 6 trainings from this wednesday onwards.all the way till next saturday.why?cus one.my asthma bronchitis is back.duno why the hell also la.two.im gg bangkok for a week.and three.ive got CIP.ugh.6 trainings.just as i was eager to get back to the walls again,asthma bronchitis strikes.like wth la.i ll be missing out on a hell lot la.6 trainings should be enuff for me to finish baby roof=(and when i get back im gona be like weak and mus build up strength again.this stinks.summore com season coming le.

ugh.enough of that.my parents are like suddenly damn strict on me leh.here cannot go there cannot go.by what time mus be home.its like.woah.why the sudden drastic actions.heh.anyone know why?is it cus of some news or gossip?perhaps i should look on the bright side of it.can stay at home and finish my huge pile of homework.hm.

alone at 7:32 AM

today went school for "banner painting".in the end learnt 1-2 new cheers,then painted the water droplet for our tiki.then can go le.darren,chicken,claire,shuhui zheya and i went ecp kayak.wah.long time never kayak le la.kinda seasick after awhile leh.but it was fun.the feeling came back.then the bad weather came.you could practically see the black clouds rolling in la.then darren's rope burn started oozing pus and looked like baby's vomit.ugh.went to change,had a drink,and then went home to bath.b4 gg out for dinner.kayaking is a damn good way to relieve stress la.just paddle out into the sea and lean back.forget all your problems.
finally.some light is shed on the going-ons in the club.was just doing a lot of thinking lately.about this,about some other stuff.trying to sort out my thoughts.
im gona get busier as orientation comes in.both with climbing and ogl.and theres still training.if im training fit that is=(im just very worried that i cant juggle my time well enuff.theres still my studies which im damn worried about too.and other stuffs.oh well.take it alll in my stride i guess=)


















"Don't worry.i ll make sure we dont."

alone at 10:27 PM

OHOH.forgot to ADD.from today onwards,i will be abstaining from all meat.Chicken,pork,mutton,lamb,venison,blabla.any kinda solid meat.
just vegetables,and seafood.u could say im gg vegetarian la.but not the strict kind=)so if u ever see me getting tempted by meat,pls stop me.immediately=D

alone at 9:35 PM

out for the whole day.AGAIN.
started with equipment washing.then went doctors.coughing like mad la.could hardly sleep at night.went doc,he told me could be my asthma htingy coming back.gave me MC.omg.i hate mcs la.why in the world were they invented.no trng on wed,then aft that i gg thailand for one week.gosh.HOW TO TRAIN!!!must do intensive self training le.sheesh.i am NOT HAPPY.stupid.why of ppl my health must be so screwed up.argh.

then went back for tiki painting.wah.my art truly sucks.haha..trust me.tried mixing colours,and in the end it turned out horrible.gosh.triton's nipples!haha..two brown ovals=)

aft that,went to bouldering area,had a talk with the climbers.now i am enlightened.at least.thks guys.great talking to ppl i trust and all.darren said smth today.it was like not being comfortable around non-climbers and stuff.its like.no common topic to talk about.so true la!haha..gosh.its like.uve been isolated from everyone but the climbers la.maybe thats what happens when u spend one whole week with them.haha..yay.

time,people.time will heal all wounds.wait and see.

tomorrow still mus go back school for banner painting.wah.tmr is like the first saturday of the year without trng and still mus go back.tsk.l

glad u liked the top and the letters girl!=)

i just love heart to heart talks.

alone at 9:10 PM

hey all!im back=)

had a rather meaningful and fruitful trip this time.in terms of climbing,got over part of my mental barrier of confidence in stepping and smearing,and some others which cant exactly be mentioned using words.
room mates rong jun,jingwen and chicken,were great!shared lotsa stuffs,heart to heart talks,helped each other achieve new breakthroughs=pword of advice for rj. "initiative."
the cooking was great la.as in.i feel that our dinner was a huge success,despite the fact that a lot was done last minute.black pepper terriyaki chicken with kuay tiao and noodles and fruit and vege salad.how nice is that la=)but still lost to chicken chop.heh.
new scandals and rumours and all popping up in this trip.
im sure everyone learnt a lot from this trip,and had a lot of fun together as a club.we were pushed mentally,physically,and everyone emerged stronger.thats smth we should all be proud of.
i would like to thank my exco,siying,kelvin,rachel,the 4 log ic's weicheng,junyu,junwei and darren,rong jun and bel for making this whole trip a success.without you people,this trip would have turned from a screwed up helluva mess to a great trip.as quoted by mr tan.
and the club members,for being co-operative at times and for making this trip so fun for each and everyone of us=))

tsk.but there has to be something bad withing everything good.nth can EVER be perfect eh.i ownt say whats gg on,cus i DONT REALLY know whats gg on.heres an analogy la.two people are fighting in a locked room.the situation is not getting any better.policemen are outside are trying ways to get into the locked room to help the people fighting inside but neither of the people in the room want to unlock the door.so the policemen just hafta stand outside and watch.its a feeling of helplessness.want to do smth but cant do anything.

what i just wana say is that.i hope that the problem will be solved by whoever is involved,and no matter what happens.if you ever need a listening ear.everyone will be here for you.if you decide to solve the problem urself,make sure that you do.please.theres like one more year together,and this friendship and bond we ve built up over the past year is not worth some stupid small issue.if you dont want us to interfere,fine.we wont.we respect that.but think about it la.Is it worth it?if its smth so small,so superficial,then why even bother?just take it as a small test of ur friendship and get over it and move on.
and.i feel like a total idiot when here i am trying to help but there you are telling me that theres nth i need to know.bla.that was just a comment from the heart.ive forgotten over it le.hope you solve ur issue asap as what youve told me.the club wont be complete with pieces of the jigsaw chipped off or missing.

"deceiving smiles."

alone at 9:00 PM

YAY.BATU CAVES HERE I COME!!!one week.u cant get out of my grasp now.MUAHAHA.

gg batu caves on our year end expedition from tmr onwards all the way till next wed.ppl dont miss me!shopping,climbing,and funfunfun and more fun with the climbers!=)

yay=)

behind this happy facade.lies a guy.who WILL be missing you.
like you said,just 7 days.theres gona be times im wondering.why does time crawl.


"It's hard.letting go.even if it's only for a week."

alone at 9:58 PM

BATU CAVES EXPEDITION

15TH NOV - 22ND NOV

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA

"Flash it,onsite it,redpoint it.Tight is not an option."

alone at 8:05 AM

hm.just got news that my transport ic is pulling out.but it's not complicated la.found a replacement and hope everything still works out fine.will be leaving on wednesday morning for a week long trip to malaysia.aft i come back,one week later,another week long trip to bangkok.gona be missing trng la.shoot.anyway.ive yet to start on my holiday hwk.i HAVE to start soon la.gosh.been playing and slacking my days away.this cant go on.but i just cant bring myself to do my work.zzz.

hopefully nth screws up during the trip,or the expe exco will get HELL=(

"It's the greatest gift of all

Knowing tht unconditionally

She'll catch you when you fall"

hm.how true.

"when the stars are in your eyes"

alone at 7:40 AM

i dont even know what im blogging for.

accomodation has been changed back to the service apartments.mr lim called me,kinda listed out the pros and cons of both la.in the end,i decided safety over cost.duh.anyway.he told me something about mr tan wanting to cancel this whole expedition.i agree,that this time.the planning was crap.dont know what we were up to also actually.but it's our expe after all,instead of helping us out,why are you like washing ur hands off this whole thing?and mr lim said smth about changing things as and when i like it,the learning process not there.hw do you expect we know this kinda stuff when we're doing it for the first time?its like.the entire expe planning process is so sucky that even the teachers are giving up.i felt like a total failure.i hafta admit.i did screw up here i guess.pushing too hard for the backpackers place.i was thinking too much on the cost side,and probably didnt really consider other factors.but i was considering the fact that many people were having some or much difficulty paying for this trip.and that $500 for a 6day msia trip was very expensive.that aside.the two teachers arent really helping us out here.what i feel is that they're just standing there,giving advice,and using strong words to bruise our morale.perhaps they should consider my/exco feelings when they say things?actually,throughout this whole expe planning process,i havnt heard a single word of encouragement.all were of criticisms/complaints.

The comments made by the teachers yesterday,today,the day before,are all running through my head.it is not a nice or good feeling and i just cant get it out of my head.its like equations all equating to-El's not doing his job right(in a nice language).in a more direct way,-EL's lousy.im sick and tired of all these and ive seriously had enough of their NON-ENCOURAGING remarks.

argh.sorry guys.shouldve did more thinking and not be so "aggressive".but as long as this expedition still goes on,i am still gona try and do my job properly.

theres a meeting tmr on the expe.im so hoping that they dont do anything to dampen our already soaking wet morales.cancelling the expe is totally out of the point.dont THINK about it.

"It's just so numb"

alone at 6:14 AM

today.was a BAD day.started of like crap,ended like crap.

lets see.first things first.had expedition com meeting.mr tan obviously wasnt very happy about the way we were doing things,so last minute and all.his language just ticked me off.then he asked us whether we wanted to cancel the trek or not.due to financial reasons.we voted,and decided on it.wasnt very happy about it.but if cancelling it would make more ppl happy,then so be it la.i totally did not like the way he was talking to us.its like parents call him up,ask him some things,and it's our fault.thats kinda like pushing the responsibility dont you think?my mood totally soured.and poor siying and xiangwei were INTEROGGATED by him.gosh!theyve told you what ever they knew!what else do you want?and his tone is like.why didnt you do this,why didnt you do that.its like.everything is my fault.okay,maybe we were wrong in not finding out impt stuff,but we re just noobs at this,u cant expect us to know everything WHAT.wah.pissifying.

the way he said things,made me feel that our entire exco was not doing things correctly and was screwing the year end trip up.and it gave me the impression.it really did.that i was the one at fault for not managing the exco well as the EL.the feeling sucks.totally.morale hit rock bottom man.thks.might as well punch me in the face.

and as im typing this,my parents are pissed at me.just cus i made a minor mistake.wth la.the whole world is screwed up today.

then i hadta announce the cancellation of the trek to the club.gosh.it was just an announcement.dont know why.it had a very big impact on me.its like.i duno la.as we walked to do our warmup.i suddenly felt damn sad.and tears welled up.they did.bel they all came over to comfort me.then i was like"dont.dont.the more u comfort,the more i wana cry"i guess at that point in time i felt horrible.like ive let the whole world down by not planning properly.thks guys.anyway.

i shall skip the training part.nth much happened.

after training.after meeting my parents,i was thinking about this whole expedition and why it cost so much.i think it was because we were staying at some high-end place la.so i had a short short sms conversation with mr tan.

"mr tan,is it possible to change accomodation to a cheaper alternative?"

"Like what?then why didnt you source for it earlier?"

"Thought u recommended service apartment.anyway.what if i can find a cheaper alternative?"

"Yes i did.because it was a reasonable price when divided among everyone and you can save on dinner.and there are so many other cheaper service apts as well like the ones i showed you.so now you want to undo that booking when you didnt do your task well initially?"

that kinda put me down.big time.so i said

"The one you showed me,u said use as backup.anyway.is it okay to cancel the booking if im able to find a cheaper alternative?"

"Ya i did because it was already late. If you had searched properly you would have found those.You know what?You guys go settle."

wah.that last line ah.gave me the impression that he was just pushing the blame and responsibility to us.i did what he instructed,and now this.good job.whats more.this is like our first time at this?how do you expect us to know everything?okay,i do admit that im at fault somewhere,but shouldnt you like be giving us help and encouraging us instead of this?
FINE.i ll settle it.wait and see.i ll show it to you.

punched my ego and morale and what else in the face.twice.today.it hurts.and its not gona heal anytime soon.

anyway.to end this.im not out to defame mr tan or what.nor do i have anything against him.this is just what i feel and maybe some people may have different thoughts.its just my personal feelings and experiences.im hoping to get over it soon and just move on.neither am i gona have anything against mr tan or what la.maybe if im in his place id understand.to all the climbers,sorry if ive done anything wrong or maybe let you down.but its just this time.esp the expe exco,this time,we ll have something memorable about this trip.

"Time will heal all wounds.Hopefully."

alone at 5:26 PM

the guardian is a damn nice show.to all those who hasnt watched it yet,go catch it.wont regret=)sad ending though.

thks girl,for the long overdue card.its like.more than a week le?tsk.but ohwell.its the thought that counts=)sweet of you.

training today.finally completed black overhang.butbut!i couldnt complete yellow overhang!what is the world coming to.anyway.shall move on to baby roof next.see if it really is that bad.I must say that this time,expedition's a little on the floppy side.we arent really very well prepared considering the fact that it's just 2 weeks away.gosh.hopefully everything falls into place soon.

training tmr again.8am in school.and.tuesday.finally OP will be over

gosh!and i wonder why im complaining so much.=)

must be getting old.
to anyone who wants to comment,SAVE it=)

alone at 7:22 PM

hm.seems like everyone's well into the post-promo mood le.

been pretty busy with certain stuff.firstly,theres expedition planning to do,a major task,then theres training,which is getting pretty intensive.and of course,theres the all star PW.just cant wait to get it out of my life.

been selected to be an ogl.hm.seeing familiar faces again,and can experience the 02 feeling again.but i know.next year's gona be a tough and even faster year then this one.and i cant help but feel worried.but oh well.just make the best of what time has to offer now and treasure every moment.for next year,its gona be.mad.

people around me have been stress,worried,depressed, and falling sick.take care okay people?dont worry.smile lots.its not the end of the world!=))

okay.that was totally random.im gg out now.seeya!and all the best to those taking chinese tomorrow.i ll be having training=)

"Take me by the hand take me somewhere new"

alone at 12:33 PM