Saturday, November 04, 2006
today.was a BAD day.started of like crap,ended like crap.
lets see.first things first.had expedition com meeting.mr tan obviously wasnt very happy about the way we were doing things,so last minute and all.his language just ticked me off.then he asked us whether we wanted to cancel the trek or not.due to financial reasons.we voted,and decided on it.wasnt very happy about it.but if cancelling it would make more ppl happy,then so be it la.i totally did not like the way he was talking to us.its like parents call him up,ask him some things,and it's our fault.thats kinda like pushing the responsibility dont you think?my mood totally soured.and poor siying and xiangwei were INTEROGGATED by him.gosh!theyve told you what ever they knew!what else do you want?and his tone is like.why didnt you do this,why didnt you do that.its like.everything is my fault.okay,maybe we were wrong in not finding out impt stuff,but we re just noobs at this,u cant expect us to know everything WHAT.wah.pissifying.
the way he said things,made me feel that our entire exco was not doing things correctly and was screwing the year end trip up.and it gave me the impression.it really did.that i was the one at fault for not managing the exco well as the EL.the feeling sucks.totally.morale hit rock bottom man.thks.might as well punch me in the face.
and as im typing this,my parents are pissed at me.just cus i made a minor mistake.wth la.the whole world is screwed up today.
then i hadta announce the cancellation of the trek to the club.gosh.it was just an announcement.dont know why.it had a very big impact on me.its like.i duno la.as we walked to do our warmup.i suddenly felt damn sad.and tears welled up.they did.bel they all came over to comfort me.then i was like"dont.dont.the more u comfort,the more i wana cry"i guess at that point in time i felt horrible.like ive let the whole world down by not planning properly.thks guys.anyway.
i shall skip the training part.nth much happened.
after training.after meeting my parents,i was thinking about this whole expedition and why it cost so much.i think it was because we were staying at some high-end place la.so i had a short short sms conversation with mr tan.
"mr tan,is it possible to change accomodation to a cheaper alternative?"
"Like what?then why didnt you source for it earlier?"
"Thought u recommended service apartment.anyway.what if i can find a cheaper alternative?"
"Yes i did.because it was a reasonable price when divided among everyone and you can save on dinner.and there are so many other cheaper service apts as well like the ones i showed you.so now you want to undo that booking when you didnt do your task well initially?"
that kinda put me down.big time.so i said
"The one you showed me,u said use as backup.anyway.is it okay to cancel the booking if im able to find a cheaper alternative?"
"Ya i did because it was already late. If you had searched properly you would have found those.You know what?You guys go settle."
wah.that last line ah.gave me the impression that he was just pushing the blame and responsibility to us.i did what he instructed,and now this.good job.whats more.this is like our first time at this?how do you expect us to know everything?okay,i do admit that im at fault somewhere,but shouldnt you like be giving us help and encouraging us instead of this?
FINE.i ll settle it.wait and see.i ll show it to you.
punched my ego and morale and what else in the face.twice.today.it hurts.and its not gona heal anytime soon.
anyway.to end this.im not out to defame mr tan or what.nor do i have anything against him.this is just what i feel and maybe some people may have different thoughts.its just my personal feelings and experiences.im hoping to get over it soon and just move on.neither am i gona have anything against mr tan or what la.maybe if im in his place id understand.to all the climbers,sorry if ive done anything wrong or maybe let you down.but its just this time.esp the expe exco,this time,we ll have something memorable about this trip.
"Time will heal all wounds.Hopefully."
